// Someday//

Someday I will live the way I write.without fear, without strife. Full of love and full of fight. I will be myself in all that I am. I will live this life just as it was given. I will cover all of my bases like I cover those pages. Picking up the pieces like I do on paper.

// Because life really isn’t that hard.//

It’s not. We only think it is. We make it so much more complicated than it has to be. Just chill.  Bake a cupcake or two with your kid. Soak up the sun, listen to the music and dance. Dance like no one is watching and sing like the whole world could hang on your every note. If I could just remember that, I’d be more patient, more loving, more free, more calm, more everything. 

// What?//

I haven’t been tumblin’. I got super lazy, or super busy. One of the two would suffice as a decent excuse. Right? So anyway. I have been busy actually. Making cakes like no one’s business, singing the songs, and childrearing.

Life is funny in that it has a way of letting us know when to slow down and reevaluate if the steps we’re taking are toward our goals, or away from them.  In the past month or so, I realized I had lost a my sight a little, and had to get back on track.  My music is important to me, and my sister reminds me, that things are not worth my time if it doesn’t do one of the two things: make me happy or make me money. HA! When you look at it simply it does stand true. Because although we may not necessarily enjoy selfless acts, they do make us happy and give us self-worth in the end.  So really, there’s nothing I’d put on the back burner or give up, because even the things I don’t really enjoy, still shape me, and help me grow as a person, a Christ follower, a mommy, etc.  

Thats my piece for the day! Hope everyone is staying awesome :)

// well//

If there is one thing I have learned in this life, it’s that you can’t rely on people.  That’s a little sad I know, but sometimes reality is sad.  It breaks my heart a little when I realize just how much time I’ve wasted waiting on people.  I always have these high hopes and positive perspective on everything, then I kinda screw myself when the outcome isn’t as I had hoped.  You have these ties to people and you expect that their dreams and expectations are as big as yours, and when you realize they aren’t, it is seriously disheartening. 

oh well.

// Scary //

Life is scary sometimes. There have been a lot of days lately when I just want to run far away. Take my kids and my hubby and hide out at the beach or something.
When I feel that way I know (and hate to admit) that it’s because I’m scared. I start to work toward my goals with my music and other things in my life and as ridiculous as it sounds I start to feel afraid as if succeeding shouldn’t be allowed.
Like success is something forbidden. I don’t know. I do this to myself so often. I don’t allow myself to be happy. I get in my own way. I break my own promises, feel heavy-hearted and bleak. I come out of it a week or 2 later just to have to map out all of my goals again.
I pray about it but I’m so shut down at that point that I lack real emotion in my prayers.
But then as I write I know I’m wrong. I have to declare it. I have to tell God exactly what I wrote here, and stop sulking and just live. Because He did not go to the cross and stand a broken bloody mess so I could sit here and wallow in sorrow. He did not rise again so I could say “wahh I’m pathetic.” Most certainly he did not forgive me of everything so I could just wonder if I should succeed or reach for my goals.
See? Life’s not so scary I guess. It’s just me, messing with my head.